Monday, August 9, 2010

Aunty Ness and other happenings

I've had a big couple of weeks and have had trouble getting my head around it. I know I should have blogged regularly, but work and life gets in the way sometimes.

I'm an Aunt to the most gorgeous little girl - Millicent Rose.

I haven't met her yet, but have been sent lots of pics which are now adorning the walls of my house. Hopefully I will get up to see her in the next couple of weeks - before she gets too big.

So that was about 10 days ago now.

Last weekend J and I decided that we would move north when he gets his licence back in October 2011. We don't know where, I just want to be somewhere so that we can decide on a Friday night to go an see family for the weekend - not have to plan a big production to go and see them.

Along with this decision, I had to make the hard decision to not become a partner in the business where I work. In September 2011, it was expected and I was going to buy out a retiring partner and then would be a principal in this business. I was looking forward to this, but over the last 6 months, my enthusiasm has dwindled.

As a female, I think we are told and led to believe that we can have everything we want. Money, a successful career, kids, family etc. And not only can we have it, but we can do it all well.

Well, I'm sorry, but I don't think that this is possible for me.

A big part of me wants to have my own successful financial planning business, but I haven't had kids yet, and who will look after my clients while I go off and raise my family? Oh, that's right my nanny looks after them for me. Pft, I cant even afford to buy a pair of shoes with cash (not credit) let alone afford a nanny while we survive on one wage.

Even if we were staying in the area, I could not have been a partner in this business as well as raise a family in the future.

I felt guilty about this. And not just guilty, I was terribly upset by this.

Why do we get told that we can have it all, when I can't? Why do I feel guilty that oneday I will want to have kids and won't want to go back to work fulltime - at least until they are at school? Has women's lib gone a bit too far? Will I be shunned cause I will choose my family over my career?

This made me rethink what I really want and I've had to move the goal posts.

Why can't I be a very successful financial planner while working for someone else, at least until I raise a family, then look to become my own boss. At least this way I will get my annual leave and someone else can have the worry about where the next dollar is going to come from.

And yes, when I do have kids, I will not be going back to work full time. I can already here the gasps from mums who juggle work and family! But, I don't want to miss out on those precious first few years, they are only little once,\ and if I can't be around to see their first steps and hear there first words, then why have I bothered?

Yes I can have it all. I just needed to be clear and happy with what it is that I want. I have made my choice and I no longer feel guilty. This is what I want and above all else, this is what will make me happy.

Also last week I farewelled one of the most beautiful women I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. DiDo left this world on Sunday 1st August after a long and brave battle with cancer. Her funeral was on Thursday.

She was just a lovely person.

In her eulogy, her friend recalled when she hugged you. I closed my eyes and remembered those times, and it was as he described, she enveloped you, she wasn't very big, but in one of her hugs, you felt so small.

So RIP DiDo, somewhere over that rainbow. I'm so glad that I knew you, and I will carry pieces of you with me for the rest of my time.

Now I have dealt with those issues, my life can return to some form of normality. I will sleep better, I will train harder, I will eat better and most of all, I can now relax, cause in the words of The Judds:

I know where I'm going.....

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